I was assigned to write a "This I believe" essay in my English comp I course. It began as just another assignment that I was trying to get through it to get out of the way. But as I began to read other people's essays I got excited and wanted to share a core belief that I lived by. I am proud of this essay Because it should my writing skills well.
This I Believe: Beware of Energy Vampires
I went to my grandma’s as I did every weekend. We had a bit of a ritual-it was our thing- but this time is different only because I had my license now. I had just turned sixteen a month before and had been looking at my car since I was fourteen years old. Needless to say, I was eager to get on the road.
I woke up early that morning as I did each Saturday because that was the day, we did our deep cleaning for the week. I awoke to the sound of the Blues blasting in the living room and my grandmother singing one of her favorite late artists Al Green “Love and Happiness.” I rolled over on my stomach not quite getting out of bed just yet. Smelling the aroma of bacon from in the kitchen. Rubbing my eyes in an attempt to wake up from a deep slumber I began to sluggishly walk up the hallway and entered the living room.
I watched amusingly as this little old lady in this wheelchair danced, spinning around in the chair rolling her shoulders back and forth as if she was doing the snake. The sight of it completely turned over my tickle box. I sat on the couch then asked, “grandma what's for breakfast?” She replies, “bacon, egg whites, toast, and orange juice.”
We both headed into the kitchen for breakfast. As we sat down for breakfast, she began listing off that day’s tasks, “today we will wash the walls, clean the oven, mop the floors, and beat rug.”
Once the days duties were complete, I got a shower got dressed and headed out to hang with some friends. I went to pick up my boyfriend. We had planned for a movie that day. On our way to the theater my cell phone rang. I looked down it was my grandmother. Rolling my eyes I answered the phone with an energetic tone, being sure not to convey my level of annoyance, “YES GRANDMA!”
Grandma said, “the pharmacy just called my prescription is ready.
“Okay grandma sue, which store is it at?” I asked.
“Its at Walgreens on 12th street, you know right there by Churches Chicken” she replied.
When I arrived at my grandmother's house, she was already outside with Kane her pet shih tzu. I had no intention on bringing my boyfriend in, as she had never met him. But now that she'd seen him there was no way he could stay in the car, that's seen as a sign of disrespect. He got out the car and greeted her with a “Hello ma'am.”
“Hello young man. What’s your name?” she asked.
Getting behind her chair, I wheeled her in the house as he replied, “Jonathan.”
“Hello Jonathan, so what’s your intentions with my grandbaby?” she inquired.
He looked at me with a surprised look on his face. I could tell be his facial expression that he was unprepared for this line of questioning.
He shrugged his shoulders without a thought.
My grandmother squinted suspiciously and said, “we not fattening up no frogs for no snakes young man. And we ain’t in the business of wasting our pearls on swine.” I was so embarrassed. I hated it when she would give me advice in old time riddles. Both he and I looked at one another and laughed.
“Okay grandma we have to get going if we don’t want to miss our movie. I love you see you later,” I said as I ushered him out the door.
Heading into the car he exclaimed, “did your grandmother just call me a fat frog?”
I busted into laughter then said, “you’ll have to overlook her she gets a little loopy sometimes when she doesn’t have blood pressure medicine.”
I remember coming to my mom’s house in tears some years later, I had never felt this way before. I was in complete disbelief; I had witnessed my boyfriend at a restaurant that I had brought him to for his birthday. He was on a date with another woman. I was totally shaking. I couldn’t believe this guy that I loved so would betray me that way. I felt low, upset, and downright embarrassed. How did I not see this coming? He had become cold, distant, and dismissive. How could I be so dumb. My mom tried to console me. But it didn’t help at the time. During my sorrow, I remembered those words my grandmother spoke a few years ago. I began to regret how quickly I dismissed her words of wisdom. I did not understand at the time. I now realized the meaning of those words that the not so loopy old lady in that wheelchair meant. I believe it is extremely important to be selective on how you exhaust your energy. You have to be careful and selective as to who you surround yourself with. Some people are only their to take what they can get. Some people are their to give you some things. Being able to discern one form the other is a skill worth learning. I forgot that after that day we left for the move but several dancing experiences later I realized the meaning of those words. What I didn’t realize is my grandmother had planted a seed. For those who aren’t familiar with gardening, some plants take longer than others to bloom. But with the right nourishment the roots will take hold. While that seed, she planted in me finally blossomed into a tree that is limitless on the growth. So, in conclusion beware of those who come around as they may not be meant to stay. Oh yeah and that boyfriend is long gone.
Next, I will include some of my peer reviews that help me to convey my message in this project
- Thread:
- this i believe rough draft
- Post:
- RE: this i believe rough draft
- Author:
Nicholas Miller
- Posted Date:
- September 13, 2021 11:21 PM
- Status:
- Published
Glow: I really love the way you portrayed your grandma! Her attitude and protective nature made my heart melt a little, really reminds me of my own grandparents back home. She helped me connect with your writing.
Grow: The narrative was a bit hard to follow because of punctuation errors, run-on sentences, and spelling errors. The way some strange word choices reappear, like "Anne" instead of "and," imply to me that you used a voice-to-text feature to write out your draft. If that's the case, not knocking you for using one, they are super helpful with belting out ideas onto the page. They just can get pretty weird with what the program puts down and need some extra help to fix up the nitty-gritty details of sentence structure.
- Thread:
- this i believe rough draft
- Post:
- RE: this i believe rough draft
- Author:
- Salvador Quero
- Posted Date:
- September 14, 2021 12:07 AM
- Status:
- Published
Hello, I really enjoyed reading your rough draft and completely agree with your belief. Here are some things I would like to point out:
Grow: I really like how you described a lot of details that goes with your narrative, giving the audience a clear perspective towards your point-of-view. And I really like how you kept the flow with the narrative, leading up to your belief as it goes.
Grow: There are a lot of punctuation needed throughout the essay. It's readable, but each sentence needs a punctuation to rest/open up a new opening to scenes that leads the narrative, making it easier to follow. And there are some wording that could be fixed like "and" instead of "Anne."
Need To Know: The ending feels a bit left out, like the conclusion could expand more to fit in with your belief.
But overall, I really enjoyed reading your rough draft, it's really relatable to how it's hard to understand family, but they really mean well. It's been a pleasure reading your rough draft.
Lastly, I've included a rough draft of my polished project one assignment:
Precious McCoy
Professor Gordeeva
Comp I- ENGL 1311
9/10/2021
This I Believe: Beware of energy Vampires
I went to my grandmas as I did every weekend we had a bit of
a ritual it was our thing but this time is different only because I had my license
now. I had just turned 16 a month prior
and had been looging at my car since I was 14 years old, so needless to say I
was eager to get the rode. I woke up early that morning as I did each Saturday
because that was the day we did our deep cleaning for the week. I awoke to the
sound of the Blues blasting in the living room in my grandmother singing one of
her favorite late artists Al Green love and happiness. My eyes popped open at
around 803 I rolled over on my stomach not quite getting out of bed just yet I smelt
the aroma of bacon from in the kitchen. I finally arousal about 7minutes later.
Rubbing my eyes as if trying to wake up from a deep slumber I began to walk up
the hallway where I entered into the living room. I instantly started to giggle looking at this
little old lady in this wheelchair trying to dance, spinning around in the
chair rolling her shoulders back and forth as if she was doing the snake. The
sight of it completely turned over my tickle box. I sat on the couch Anne ask
grandma what's for breakfast. She reply with bacon egg whites toast and orange
juice.
We headed into the kitchen Anne her breakfast Ann as we always did discussed the task for the day of cleaning. She informed me that this weekend we needed to wash the walls clean the oven mop the floors and beat rugs. It took us about four hours to do all of that day's to cleaning task. Want to read I got a shower got dressed and headed out to hang with some friends I went to pick up my boyfriend and we're going to see a movie at 1 p.m. Is Hannah headed to the movies my cell phone rang I looked down it was my grandmother rolling my eyes an answer the phone I did so with an energetic tone to be sure not to convey the level of annoyance I felt on the other end sure enough it was my grandma asking me to pick up her medicine from the drugstore. We had about 30 minutes before the movie started so I decided to go ahead and pick up the meds and drop them off before we went to see the movie. When I arrived at my grandmother's house she was already outside I had no intention on bringing in my boyfriend as she had never met him. But now that she's seen him there was no way he could stay in the car that's seen as a sign of disrespect he got out the car greeted her with a hello ma'am and we headed into the house. What we answered she preceded to ask him questions like his age his name his intention and all other sorts of embarrassing things. My boyfriend very respectfully answered all of her line of questions. My grandmother told me in front of him I like him ah smile then she looked at him with piercing eyes and said we not fattening up no frogs for no snakes young man. I I was so embarrassed an irritated I hate it when she would give me advice in old time riddles but how uh quickly regret dismissing her words of wisdom. Over about a decade later I understand what she meant I believe it is extremely important to be selective on how you exhaust your energy. Wasting your pearls on swine as she would say. You have to be careful and selective as to who you have around you. Some people are there for a lesson some people are there for a season while others could be there for a reason you have to be discerning about who you let in your inner circle I forgot that after that day we left for the move but several dancing experiences later I realized the meaning of those words she planted a seed in me that day that is grown in blossomed into a tree that is limitless on the growth so in conclusion beware of those who come around as they may not be me
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